Accurate Self-Perception

Sharon Swing
This article provided by the Engstrom Institute

Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and been surprised by what you see? Have you ever been sure a woman wearing low-slung pants didn't see a true reflection of her belly in the mirror before she walked out the door? For lack of a mirror, I've gone through an afternoon with spinach in my teeth.

Most of us have perceptions of ourselves that differ from reality—or at least differ from what other people see. Blind spots in leadership styles, relational patterns, or organizational leadership can have severe consequences.

A leader who unknowingly intimidates others will seldom hear anything but good news, but usually not the truth. Some leaders may think they are participative, all the while irritating followers with a lack of decision-making and forward movement. A leader may think strategically, but not realize that the she has not expressed those strategies in a way that brings clarity and focus for her team. Avoidance of conflict can leave a leader powerless to achieve results through a team that can't seem to get along.

Leaders have a more difficult problem with getting accurate feedback in relationships at work. The saying goes, "it's lonely at the top," and it is. The further leaders climb the corporate ladder or build organizations of people under them, the more reluctant people are to give honest feedback. The daily conversation around the water cooler is more honest than most leaders ever hear.

With honest feedback, leaders have the choice to seek the truth, make change, and seek the support of people around them.

Asking for feedback can be humbling. Giving feedback to leaders can be intimidating. Some will fear retribution for negative perspectives. So, if directly asking for feedback from followers is not producing useful answers, what can leaders do to get honest feedback from those they lead?

1. Decide what you want feedback on. For example, you can choose to get feedback on your ability to read a situation and respond appropriately (emotional intelligence), your leadership styles, or how your leadership influences organizational climate (how it feels to work here).
2. Allow people to offer feedback anonymously.
3. Ask for feedback using a well-researched assessment that gives meaningful and useful results.
4. Invite written comments to allow people to fully express what they want you to know.
5. Get help in interpreting the results from a qualified professional.
6. Decide what you will do as a result of the feedback and craft an action plan that will help assure its completion.
7. Thank people for giving you feedback and tell them one or two things that you learned or will do as a result of their input.

Feedback is a gift. God packages it in many ways. First, his Word has the power to shape us into his likeness. Second, we get feedback through the relationships God has given us. Accurate self-awareness is the starting place for growth. What we cannot see about ourselves can keep us from becoming the people God intends. As followers of Christ, we are to "let our light so shine that others may see our good works and glorify our Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16). Will you clear away all that hinders you from shining more brightly than ever? God wants to expand the influence of those whose hearts are completely his in order to do redeeming and restoring work in his world.

Next Steps

1. What kind of feedback would be most helpful to you in improving your leadership and relationships?
2. When you read God's Word, ask him to reveal to you a true picture of who you are and where he wants you to grow.
3. Who are the people that will give you honest feedback that see you at work, at home, and at play?
4. Consider getting 360° feedback from followers, your leaders, and peers compared to your self-perception using the Emotional Competence Inventory™, Inventory of Leadership StylesTM or Organizational Climate Survey™. (all trademarks of the Hay Group).

Sharon Swing is the founder of Swing Consulting and Illumax Partners and previously served as executive vice president for strategic planning and ministry services for the Willow Creek Association. You may email her at Sharon@swingconsulting.com or visit www.swingconsulting.com